|
Can We Talk - for Real? (click to Listen/Download the Broadcast)
Definition of communication for this broadcast: - to set a foundation to establish and foster trust.
Rules of Engagement:
(These ideas should not be implemented until both of you have calmed down.)
I) Words not to say:
a) Always
b) Never
-Can you truly say that your partner never or always does anything?
II)Phrases not to use:
a) “I am doing my best”
This could be a “put off” phrase for your partner and a “no win” phrase. Your best may not be what your spouse considers to be your best.
This is because sound enters our ears but we listen with our emotions and our heart first.
You both will have to establish a common perception emotionally, mentally and spiritually for this phrase to work. There must be enough trust to know that this is not a put off phrase. Speaking of trust: trust is an earned right not a birth rite. One way to build trust is to work toward an overwhelming amount of actions that will result in two people trusting each other. The more we do to gain each others trust then the more we will trust each other. Are you living the walk or only talking the walk?
b) “I don’t want to talk about it…”
Do not just shut down and make it impossible for someone to reach you. Your spouse may need to talk even when you feel you do not. The more honorable thing to do would be to give them a frame of time when you will be ready to discuss the issue. I do not mean for it to take a year for that conversation either. A wonderful and intimate love for the Lord brings us past our differences. This same love will allow us to make a compromise that we can proclaim to be beneficial to our relationship.
c) “You don’t listen”
Instead use phrases like, “Maybe I am not explaining the situation very well…” or “Let me try to explain myself because it seems as though we do not understand each other…” You may not be speaking words that I understand. I can’t speak with your mouth or hear with your ears.
1) I am speaking saying what needs to be said, speaking from my heart but it is not what you want to hear so you think I don’t get it or I’m not sensitive to your expectations.
2) You are talking, I believe I am listening but you are not getting the reaction that you want so your perception is that I am not listening. So perhaps there needs to be further explanation.
d) “You say that all of the time.”
This is a phrase much like always and never. Can you truly say all of the time?
Through honest and open communication we can build trust so that the important person in our lives can believe in us. Our conversation then evolves into a communication that truly benefits and fosters our relationship thereby - setting a foundation to establish and foster trust – for real. |
