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While dating you had your guard up to shield your mate from your bad moods, bad attitude even your bad breath. Now that you are married you are together when you feel good and when you feel bad. During the dating period we want to be thought of as fun, interesting and pleasant. Then sometimes after we say, “I do” we forget about the fun, interesting or even pleasant person we can be. When we are dating there are some things that are off limits and once married fewer things are off limits. We must learn to open up and share with the person we have entered a covenant relationship with.
Be sure you realize what (male or female) and who (John, Jane etc.) you are talking to. Also, realize who you are so that you can share your point of view effectively. By knowing ourselves we can realize how we learned to communicate and also know how our upbringing affects us now. Where did we learn to communicate: books, mom and dad, or even the movies? Things of this nature must be examined and if we find areas that do not measure up to what God wants, there must be a change.
Dating communication has a plan and a purpose. Each of us realizes that we want something from the other person involved in the relationship. “If you cease to dream you will die” is a great quote. So much of that statement could be applied to your marriage. If you do not strive for more then how will you know your marriage is growing? Please keep dreaming and asking God to allow your relationship to be an example for the Kingdom. Remember the verse in the Bible that says, “Write the vision and make it plain… (Habakkuk. 2:2)” This verse puts us all on a mission to have a plan and a purpose in our movements, dealings and communications.
After we get married, we sometimes feel the “wet blanket” of familiarity. There will often be a period of time that will seem as though there is nothing new happening in your relationship. We feel as though we know our spouses every move and they become predictable. Predictability is a great thing when it comes to some areas of our lives together and then there are times it just flat bugs us. During this time, we resolve that we are too familiar with our mate and proceed to develop this “wet blanket”. This type of covering will cause discontent and complacency in your dealings with your mate. We need to bring more of our ideas and thoughts into our relationships and share them honestly. This sharing will ignite your imagination and assist you in remembering that you actually love the person you married.
With a revitalized effort to increase our conversation and to give our relationship the meaningful interaction it needs, we can breathe even more life into our marriage. Make sure your spouse can experience your conversation. This means they are a part of the experience instead of just in the experience. Allow your spouse to be a costar in your conversation and not an extra. Allow them to have an opportunity to impart some knowledge they may have about the issue being discussed.
Remember we do not want to be equal with our spouse; we want to be complete in the Lord. It is the Lord that gives the increase in our lives and relationships. With communication that is meaningful you will see your marriage bloom.
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