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O bvious Terms misunderstood in a relationship include Love, Understanding, Tenderness, Affection, Togetherness and Compassion, just to name a few. These are Terms that often go misunderstood and become an area of serious contention in a relationship. There are, however, a few Terms misunderstood because of the potential vulnerability that they imply or impose. Examples include Terms such as Submit and NEED. Submit has always been an explosive term when use by men toward women, but I had never thought of the Term NEED being so misunderstood. I now believe the Term NEED is as explosive or more so than submit.
NEED is a term negatively looked upon by both men and women.
There was a discussion on the great Face Book concerning Needing someone verses Wanting someone. The question proposed, "Would you rather be wanted in a relationship or needed, and which is the better of the two?
There were many different responses to the question, but I was shocked at the visceral response people have to the word NEED in a relationship
When considering Need and Want, they are mutually inclusive and exclusive at the same time. You NEED some things you Want; You Want some things you NEED; You NEED some things you do not want; and You Want some things you do not NEED.
To
desire one over the other can create an environment of imbalance. Most people were content to Want and be Wanted because they felt it
was, somehow, safer, healthier and more mature than NEED. The
explanation for that response was expressed in a perception that To
NEED, means you are out of control, clingy or somehow insecure, as
though NEED, within itself, is BAD. Some purposed that NEED opens you up to being
hurt, taken advantage and misused. Any relationship opens you up to being
hurt, taken advantage and misused. Others stated that the only thing
that anyone NEEDS is God and to NEED anything other than Him is sinful,
or without focus. In a
relationship the greater goal is completeness, which is a journey not a
destination. Completeness is timely, providing what is wanted and
needed at the appropriate time. Therefore it is perfectly acceptable to NEED and be NEEDED within a relationship. You NEED someone to know and understand what you WANT and you Want someone to understand and know what you NEED!!
Want, like NEED, can get out of control. If your wants operates without boundaries all of the things that people FEAR in the term NEED manifest themselves. But we seem to use the term WANT to cover our fear of the term NEED. Wanting protects me from the perceived vulnerability that NEED would expose me to. Thus a buffer between my emotions and my reality. I can say, "I do not NEED YOU!! You just satisfy my Wants and Desires." This attitude concerning NEED does not really work in a relationship. It can create a void and a potential sense of competition between the parties of a relationship. In a competition someone always looses with the Score: Individual - 1 / Relationship - 0.
The goal, again, is to operate with a sense of perspective and completeness in the relationship. NEED and WANT can then function in balance.
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